Write about the Right Rite

Bangladesh is the right place for an abundance of things to write about. But even then I thought I'd written myself out of topics. But then, the not-so-right thing happens at the right time to give me plenty to write about. Arright!

So, here I write:

I hang a right, only to find myself having to yield despite my having the right of way. That is the right thing to do, for otherwise it is the right place and the right recipe for the right disaster – a head on collision. After all, I am driving on the right side of the road, which is the left side, while the oncoming motorbike is on the right side of the centre divider. 

I rightfully protest. The biker is nothing to write home about. I can handle him alright.  

Yeah right!

With a gaze lasting for what seems to be an eternity from a Zee Bangla drama serial (this type of gaze is the in thing right now), he lifts his right arm, takes his sunglasses off and looks right into my eyes. Right then and there, he starts yelling right at me with his colourful words flying left, right and centre. And all of this for MY not doing the right thing of scanning with both my left and right eyes independently (like a lizard) to the left and right sides of the road.

Right away, a small crowd gathers from right out of nowhere which seems to have known right from the beginning that it was inevitable for something like this to happen right here for them to gawk at. Talk about being at the right place at the right time. 

Meanwhile, my left brain tells me to stay on the right track of protesting. So, I persist in trying to right his point of view. Then my right brain kicks right in. Right on! You guessed it right. Right then and there, I decide to do the right thing – back right off. After all, two wrongs don't make a right. Besides, his 'righteous' aggressiveness tells me that the right thing to do is to go on his right side – I apologise despite being right. 

You must be thinking that I'm not right in the head by being the right subject in this sacrificial rite. But in a situation like this, it's futile to try to put things right. Never rationalise with a left brained trying to be a right brained while in the process being incapable of knowing the right from the wrong or getting to right a wrong. 

Being an alpha male, I am rightfully upset for having to turn the right cheek, but I'm right as rain now. After all, when it comes to a bike versus a car, the tide of the argument, as experienced here, is in essence the rite of road rage. 

Not knowing that who, in his right mind, would drive on the right side of the road, I now realise that it is an acceptable rite of the right people to have the right to drive on the right side of the road. Meanwhile, the right people of law enforcement don't have the right to do the right thing and write a traffic violation ticket, the right citation, for fear of becoming a write-off to Khagrarchori. For the right thing to happen, we need the right man for the right job on a suicidal career track.

So who is this guy on the motorbike? I dare not ask for he is surely right in his own rights. 

And I thought I'd written my own ticket, answerable to none. Dream right on…

Serves me right for being outright naïve. The left, right, religious, fundamental, secular and blogger will all agree that right now, for now, this is merely a rite of passage for those who are NOT from the right side of the tracks. 

I did think for a while that I wouldn't write about this or even if I did, I'd write down to the public. Anything we write becomes a digital tattoo only to re-surface at the right time when the right salvo is needed for the right target.

So, I do the right thing and write while I schmooze with the right people. Till I'm read out the Eastern version of the Miranda: "You have the right to remain silent…", I think I'll do alright. 

So, here's my write-up – Humorously Yours (all rights reserved). Oh, and write to me with your comments. My email address is right below. 

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. 
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com