No No, No No

Nasir not on the squad? Is he also having a baby? Doesn't matter. Bangladesh has done well against Pakistan lately in limited over games. Sunny boy, you are not only a Tiger, but also a lion – you are our Sunny Lion. That's plenty of sex appeal, in contrast with the appalling appeals by the visiting team on the field, which should rather be called apples, to be swallowed like The One from the Garden of Eden.  

But that's later. Now it's the Tigers on the attack with their fierce bowling. Wickets fall in rapid succession. But one can't forget the Bangladeshi hospitality. The Tigers are kind to the umpires - after all, it IS tiring for them (the umpires) to keep raising their right hands so frequently.

Nevertheless, the guests finish off with a decent score. That inkling – what if…

The Tigers start their chase. Tamim Iqbal is a good boy. Like any brand new father, he leaves work early. 

We lose Shakib Al Hasan. He breaks another world record (and almost the stumps) – the shortest transition time from anger to a sheepish apologetic smile as he hits the stumps and then instantly raises his bat to the umpires in apology. Ah, the match fee.

The spectators are biting their nails. As the cameras zoom in to the galleries, seems like there is a stench everywhere, as all we see are hands over noses.

The commentator couldn't be more correct as he says that no script writer could write as exciting a last stretch as this game. The probability metre shows 70 percent chances of a win for the Tigers. Knowing our luck, the scale will tip for the 30 percent.

And then…I will hate a no ball no more. The euphoria of seeing a no ball, perhaps akin to that of a bookie seeing one (hopefully not today). 

It's not one, it's two. The no balls know no bounds of happiness. I guess like eye balls, no balls also come in pairs. Oh what a pleasure to the eye balls as the crowd has a ball.  

What happened? Did Sami not want to bowl? Afridi to Sami in the locker room before the game: "I will not take a 'no' for an answer."

"Alright then, I will bowl." But perhaps he takes it a little too literally. 

Sami's delivery on the field is not normal, it is a C-section, causing his whole team tremendous labour pain. No frills – straight cut no balls.

One dares not imagine the post-game locker room scenario. After the Tigers, Afridi tears Sami to pieces into a Sami (shami) kebab, thus him (Sami) being nominated for this year's No-Ball Piece Prize. Is it a rumour that Sami is seeking cricketical asylum in Bangladesh?

Just as Mork and Mindy is immortalised with "Nanu Nanu", Sami and Afridi will be remembered as: "No no, no no!"

At least for the time being, 'no' has become synonymous with Sami. But at the same time, 'yes' is synonymous with the Tigers. For it is not the no balls, but rather the 'yes' attitude of the Tigers that won them the game. 

Mash and his crew have caused the morale of Team Pakistan to go to M*A*S*H (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) while Mash himself has given a whole new meaning to the term 'mash potatoes' as Norail Express and mates put the formidable opponents on the last train to Karachi.

All eyes are on the finals. And please, pick good umpires. Remember Down Under? 

Meanwhile, Tigers endangered? Not so. 

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. 
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com