Say Hi to Amitabh

No, I'm not travelling overseas to have escaped from buying the Pahela Boishakh hilsha, a fish (rare species around this time of the year) probably a better fit inside the glass cases of jewellery stores. I'm travelling to spread the laughter. 

My first stop on a string of comedy shows is in Singapore. Somebody (from Bangladesh) asks me if I am in Singapore for medical reasons. I have two answers: (1) Thank Heavens no (2) I am not rich. 

Can't blame him. After all, Mount 'E' (Mount Elizabeth Hospital as affectionately referred to by my affluent compatriots) is the natural habitat for the elite to flock to for a mole under the armpit. And a trip to America (ok, New York in particular) always brings in a barrage of the same question: "Is your wife having a baby?" 

Next stop – Bali, Indonesia. The over-obliging taxi driver greets me with a warm and emphatic 'Namaste'. I smile and (just) nod in return: "Hello! I'm [actually] from Bangladesh." Not sure what he makes of my response, but he immediately turns on the radio as the radio jock (RJ) blurts out the all too familiar 'RJ speak', all in Indonesian (did I just sense a touch of American accent with high treble?), laughs at his own (probably corny) jokes and on comes a familiar Bollywood tune. The car picks up two notches in speed as the excited driver lips in perfect synchronisation with the song and makes the Bollywood dance moves with his hands (ok, one hand on the steering wheel). He squeals, "I love Shahrukh Khan. I love Kajol. I love the long stories."

Takes me far away to the sand dunes in Egypt many years ago. The camel man pesters me: "You want a camel? No? Ok. Say hi to Amitabh Bachchan." And he rides off. 

And in Los Angeles, California, the MC goes on stage after my performance at The Comedy Store Hollywood: "Give it up once again for Naveed Mahbub, all the way from India."

And that too after a long set which was mainly about my being from Bangladesh. I tell the MC that I'm not from India, but from Bangladesh.

"Oh, ok. So, which part of India is that in?"

"No, these are two separate countries."

"So, how do you tell the difference between an Indian and a Bangladeshi?" 

"Well, the same way you can tell the difference between an American and a Canadian – 'eh'?" My sarcasm…

But there is a way to tell the difference (ok, sometimes) – the head bobbing. I can never distinguish between a South Indian 'no' and a 'yes', as the head swings sideways in both cases. My South Indian friend Balan Dinesh explains: "A South Indian 'no' is a horizontal motion from left to right, right to left. A 'yes' is a similar motion from left to right, right to left, but a little oscillatory. Like a figure of eight."

Aha! A brilliant explanation. Hence the CEOs of Microsoft, Google, PepsiCo, the Dean of Kellogg Business School… all from India. There was a time when parents in the US used to tell their kids: "Honey, finish your dinner, there are people in India who are hungry for your food." Now even desi parents in the US are telling their kids: "Oi beta! Finish your homework! There are people in India who are hungry for your job." 

It's all about brand equity. First the ashrams, then technology and Bollywood. Like it or not, India is a force to reckon with. 

And please, before we go off on whether I'm a Bharoter Dalaal, let's ask the question, what is OUR brand? What comes to the mind when one hears the word 'Bangladesh'? Let's focus on that. Besides, I am not pro nor against anyone – taking sides merely limits the topics that I, as an observational humorist, can make fun of.

Oh by the way, do travel – the best thing about travelling overseas is that you quickly realise that you're actually a nobody.

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. 
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com