Reflections
<i>Lessons from a father</i>
Love is an inimitable feeling that illuminates the soul. We all have a basic need to be loved. When we are children we are content with our parents' love and familial bonds. As we mature and form different relationships that deepen with time, we feel an innate need to love and be loved in return.
I am writing today in fond memory of my father who passed away nearly thirteen years ago. I remember my father when I write about love because he was the one who sowed the seeds of love in my heart. Someone had described a father as 'a banker provided by nature'. I would agree to that…….not only because my father was a banker in the literal sense but as a human being he seemed to have accumulated so much wealth out of his life that he was never empty in giving - whether to family, or friends, or colleagues or even to strangers and that wealth was his 'love'. I am still enjoying the wealth he has deposited in my heart and this wealth has made me so rich that even amidst the most turbulent phases of life, my faith never faltered. I feel I have grown stronger over the years. I have learnt from him that love not only enriches your soul, it rinses off all vices like falsity, greed, violence, jealousy and vindictiveness. My ability to love has always kept me motivated, optimistic and protected me from any sense of insecurity or lack of confidence - at the personal and professional domains. Self-confidence and self-respect, in turn, have kept me above any greed, jealousy and malice. This is how I have been paying homage to my father's spirit.
Going back to the subject of love, it is a fact that no one is exempt from doubts of whether the love is reciprocal. Even if told at some point, there is no guarantee that feelings won't change. Therefore, there is the need of constant re-assurance that the lovely feelings are still there. The reassurance could come in the form of expressions, acts or words. My father taught me, 'When you love someone, you don't just say, you do things for that person - you sacrifice, you go out of your way to make that person feel exceptional'.
Building a relationship is not enough, you have to retain it with loyalty and trust which go hand in hand. Any relationship requires reciprocity. In a mutually satisfying relationship both parties should be able to talk and listen. They should take time to acknowledge their feelings and points of view. Listening is an important step in building a relationship - it means you are paying attention, your eyes, ears, body and feelings are all focussed on that person at that time. We often take listening for granted, never realising what it means to really listen to the one we love.
However, many of us find it difficult to express our feelings and often leave it to others to fathom our feelings. One may ask, is it necessary to express? I would say, yes it is. Expressing your feelings makes all the difference. In words or in deeds your loved ones should know that when they are lost in darkness and searching for light, everything around fails, you are there to help them through. That you are there to lean on when they are not strong, and that you will help them carry on, for it won't be long till you need somebody to lean on. A word of love can change a frown into a smile and sometimes a hug is worth a thousand words. Simple lines can do wonders like - 'it seems your eyes are troubled, care to share your time with me?' or 'no matter how busy I am, I'll make time for you' or 'I am there for you; what if the whole world isn't?'
Famous lyricist Sahir Hoshiarpuri says in his song, "Kaun kehta hai mohabbat ki zuban hoti hai, yeh haqeeqat to nigahon se bayan hoti hai….." [Who says, love has a language? It is a reality, which is expressed through the eyes]. Again this is a kind of expression where words may not be used - yet much is said.
I believe, therefore, it is imperative to say, express or do things for the ones you love. Leave no space for regrets. Surely, there is always tomorrow to make up for an oversight and we do get a second chance to make everything right. There will always be another day to say our 'I love you's' and certainly another chance to say, 'Anything I can do's'? But what if we don't get the second chance? Today is all we get. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone whether young or old. So, please don't wait for tomorrow. Take some extra time for a smile, a hug, and words of reassurance. Do not hesitate to say 'I am sorry, please forgive me' or 'Thank you', or 'I miss you' or 'You are in my thoughts', or 'You are wonderful', or 'I want to be with you', or 'Please don't leave me'. There is no shame in admitting you are wrong. It makes you only human but the payback is enormous - it elevates you to a position incomparable.
You will find within yourself the difference. The relief and the magnanimity will display the wonders of life as nothing else can!!
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