Why some good leaders stop getting better

‘Far enemy’ and ‘near enemy’ are concepts that come from Buddhist psychology and can be very useful in self-development. The idea behind this is that virtues have enemies. A far enemy is the obvious opposite of a virtue. For example, the far enemy of compassion is cruelty, inflicting, or causing suffering. In contrast, a near enemy is something that impersonates the virtue in question but subtly undermines it and is a hidden obstacle to growth. For compassion, its near enemy is pity, as it involves sorrow for someone’s suffering but from a position of looking down upon them. Far enemies are loud and near enemies whisper.

Usually, these concepts are used for cultivating virtues such as kindness, connection, joy, etc., but can also be very useful in unpacking development feedback that we receive from our bosses as part of year-end processes. Let’s explore a few common feedback tropes through the lens of these teachings.

Empathy

The far enemy of empathy is dismissiveness - bypassing emotions in favour of logic or simplicity. Its near enemy is sympathy without accountability. When you are sympathetic towards someone’s issue, but fall short on actually providing them with the support to navigate the issue, individuals only feel partially heard.

Strategic thinking

The far enemy of strategic thinking is short-term focus - driven by urgency rather than long-term vision. Its near enemy is over-analysis & over-thinking. These lead to chasing perfection while delaying decision-making. Another variant could be using complex frameworks or narratives to portray strategy without actually making any clear choices or trade-offs.

Humility

Humility’s far enemy is arrogance - inflated ego and sense of self-worth. On the contrary, its near enemy is performative openness. This happens when someone declares themselves open to learning, while concealing intellectual superiority and not actually being open to learn.

Empowering teams

Micromanaging, or excessive control of every aspect of a workstream, is the far enemy of empowerment. Its subtler near enemy is supporting without passing over authority. This would look like delegating tasks to your team, but not exactly transferring decision-making authority at the right levels.

Deep listening

Interrupting is the far enemy of deep listening. It clearly demonstrates a lack of interest from someone who has already pre-decided the final takeaway. On the other side, its near enemy is passive listening. Passive listeners nod and agree, and patiently wait for their turn to respond, rather than soaking in or retaining the information.

Accepting feedback

The far enemy of accepting feedback is defensiveness. It’s when you receive critical feedback, and your first instinct is to justify or dismiss it altogether. The more complex near enemy is intellectualising feedback. It is a psychological defence mechanism to create emotional distance from the feedback by overindexing on logic and facts.

Why near enemies need attention

The development of many high-performing employees plateaus not because of the easy-to-detect far enemies, but because of near enemies masquerading as progress. Far enemies are usually corrected early, while near enemies are sometimes even mistaken as improvements in the short term, and often rewarded. Near enemies and their detriments become visible when employees rise up the rungs into senior roles. At this stage, it becomes harder to accept or work on feedback. Moreover, the impact of these shortcomings gets further scaled as senior employees are rightly positioned to cause tangible damage in the decision quality and culture of an organisation.

How to use this concept

When you receive development feedback that you trust and genuinely want to work on, ask yourself if your plan is actually going to tackle the issue at the core, or if you are simply choosing an easier and more comfortable route that delivers short-term gains but barely scratches the surface of the feedback. If you really believe that working on a development area will be good for your development, pay attention to its near enemies.

Syeda Adiba Arif is the Head of Talent at BAT Bangladesh. She completed her Bachelor's in Business Administration from IBA, University of Dhaka, and her Master's in Data Science & Analytics from East West University.