Non-fiction
New dad's baby blues
In our country the first issue is a divine blessing to its parents. The baby brings a festive air from a hut in the slums to the castle. Relatives, friends and neighbours shower presents; food, laughter and jokes keep the environment of the house ever warm. The young mother with immense shyness and the granny with profound pride shows off the little prince to the visitors. But the centre of great attraction remains unconcerned, absolutely unaware of the grandeur! It's the day when a man should be over the moon. His friends and colleagues buy him sweets and cigars. His boss pats and says he expects great things of him as he's been more responsible.
But, besides happiness and joy, problems are not too rare! Motherhood in a woman's life in most cases is very wanted and desirable. In spite of immense responsibility and labour the glory and grace give the mother a special honour. But when a man becomes the father he is the odd man out! He doesn't get the same importance as before. Now his socks are missing, his purse is misplaced and special items are not available in the lunch box. His place is now occupied by a little angel about whom you dare not complain. Above all, at night dad's sleep gets frequently interrupted by the screams of the baby. In fact the whole environment of the house swings on the mood of it.
And yet if research is to be believed, the new dad is in more danger of going off the track than at any other time in his life. When a man becomes a father for the first time, he's likely to go off the track, if he and his wife are not careful. Resentment and plain jealousy can occupy the dad for some time. To share the same bedroom with the yelling baby and his ever attending mom and go to work the next morning after spending a sleepless night makes life a hell for him.
"The father for the first time is more likely to go off the rails then at any other time in his life. Having a first baby is a traumatic time for a mother, but all the indications are that a father can be more dramatically affected," declares Dr. Joan Winterton, of New York's Parental Advisory Service.
The responsibilities may make him crazy. 'Sometimes the responsibility just makes him flip. Instead of taking things easily and consolidating his position he panics, takes on extra burdens at work to cover the extra expenses, and suffers from serious stress,' declares Dr. Winterton. If unplanned, the sudden responsibilities of the young dad may bring on a bad attack of marriage blues which can last long. The reality of having the second position to a baby often builds up to extreme resentment which may lead to an extra-marital affair on the part of the husband. Moreover, sexual problems at the postnatal stage are common. One young husband who underwent marriage counselling after the birth of his child told Dr. Winterton : 'The kid took over the house and I got very bitter about it.'
Moreover, he's likely to fall out with his in-laws, particularly his mother-in-law, causing a rift which may take years to heal, if it at all does.
Sometimes he shows his resentment by behaving as though he was a bachelor again! The husband should realise that his wife's life has been more restricted than his, but she does not make a fuss about it. On the other part, the wife should give as much attention to her spouse as possible, and should not allow the baby to completely monopolise her. But a man can overcome this situation and for him there are some suggestions from Christopher Clulow :
The husband should not take extra burden or change the job to earn more. It will add extra stress and responsibility which may jeopardise the situation.
Again, he should not be involved with another family to pass time or have an affair with another woman. Better enjoy the growing up of the kid together with the wife. No doubt, eventually you'll feel great!
The bottom line comes from Dr. Winterton: 'Every baby's arrival makes a dad go a little mad for a while. Thank goodness, they don't actually have to give birth to the infants. I doubt whether the average dad would survive the first five minutes!'
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