The Blame Consultant

You sir, were saying that you feel the need
To kill a Muslim neighbour. But the deed
Requires a finely tuned state
Of motivation, to know the precise weight
Of what you Blame him for before you act
Since you're a Rational Man and all that.

We give receipts. Down payment required.
Five thousand. Expert detectives are hired.
The balance fifteen to be paid on the date
We hand in the report that will seal his fate.

Part One is the Blame covering 800 years.
(A discount rate. I paid the researchers
just once for the job. I'm an honest man, see)
The Blame-points taken in proximity
To places like Somnath and Ayodhya
'Particular Destructions' took place here
As you know. The rest was regular loot,
Plunder and pillage of the usual sort.

Since both of you live in the heart of Old Delhi
Let's start on a scale, shall we say, 93?
You had Timur and Chingez, frequent Mongol attacks
Khiljis and Tughlaqs -- the whole Barbary pack.

The tricky part (the main expense) will come
When Appraising the Individual Sum.
107 years he has been your neighbour
To evaluate that time is a lot of labour.

Four generations must be reconstructed.
Understand please that points are deducted
For the following:

Did your mother and his old aunts, womenfolk
Sit in the sun on rooftops and talk,
Filling cotton and basting razais in winter
Or dyeing dupattas in warmer weather?
Did they hold a common dupatta, wet,
One at each end, billow and swing it
In rhythm to dry straight and flat?

Did they lean over trays of jeera and dal
Picking out stones? Did they cry in a movie hall
In a matinee show? Did your fathers share
One black umbrella on a rain-soaked day
From bus stop to doorstep? Discuss threadbare
Political views in newspapers on Sunday?

We haven't yet come to the day you were born
Played 'ala-bala' with him. It goes on…

That was Part Two, the Family section
We'll need several sittings, additions, corrections.
We'll talk about babies, hen-chasing and kites
Sharing jalebis and pickles and fights.

Part Three in the software asks: Who's Really To Blame
And pinpoints the guilt to a specific name.
If he is dead -- he has gone to his fate.
If he is here -- I'll let you know straight.

Here comes the AVM print-out which reads:
'Guilt does not belong to Communities.
Go and research the political plan,
The surest way to expose Your Man.'

Sir! Don't change your mind! Hello! It's a very good rate --
Damn! I haven't had a single client till date.

Nasima Aziz, once a promising young poet, has returned to poetry after thirty years. She lives in Lucknow.
Published with the express permission of The Little Magazine, Delhi.