This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES
Tea is best served chilled. Chillies can be tasty.

TAURUS
Don't use your soap as a mic in the shower. Just for this week.

GEMINI
The sum of all your worries is a number that is imaginary.

CANCER
Is it even an image if it isn't 3D?

LEO
Go for a short trip to your local bakery. Ask for leftover bread.

VIRGO
Your wish to become a stand-up comic is the real joke here.

LIBRA
Do you remember your old friends, xylem and phloem?

SCORPIO
I once asked someone the time. He said it was bad.

SAGITTARIUS
Take this free advice. Advices can be confusing.

CAPRICORN
Khichuri is more than just yellow rice; it is yellow rice and daal.

AQUARIUS
Look for a job. But become a musician at the end.

PISCES
There is no point fighting over little things. Find something your own size.