Likudipedia

"The purpose of your visit?"

"Visit the historic Capitol Hill. While I'm there, walk the aisle through which your President walks in during his State of the Union address, take the US foreign policy hostage and then tell all present there along with the citizens they represent how stupid your President is."

"Here's your visa. Enjoy your visit."

And enjoy he does amidst a red carpet and standing ovations while watchful eyes keep a tab on who is clapping for how long, how frequently and with how much enthusiasm, whether heads are nodding, shaking or even bobbing (ignore Bobby Jindal, there are some confusions about the South Indian 'yes' and 'no' gesture) in order to rank order his political longevity. 

I wonder if it is the beginning of Benjamin Netanyahu's talking the US into an ill advised war with Iran, just like he did with the ill advised war with Iraq. After all, he is the only world leader who can scold Washington after receiving US aid and still get lauded for biting the hand that feeds his country. Maybe he has a love-hate relationship with the US -- hates the US but loves the US aid. To be fair, he also has a love-hate relationship with Palestine -- hates the Palestinians but loves their land. 

Perhaps his trip was about killing two birds with one stone (though he believes in killing more than just two birds if one stone is thrown at an Israeli tank) -- woo-ing nationalist voters in the Israeli elections and scuttling the US-Iran deal. 

First the elections. Speaking of which, I think I change the diapers of my kid less often than Israel changes its Knesset, perhaps making up for the lack of a similar democratic exercise in the whole region.

He wins without a dispute. But with his win comes his pre-election promise -- no Palestinian state. Netanyahu on the campaign trail: "Anyone who moves to establish a Palestinian state and evacuate territory gives territory away to radical Islamist attacks against Israel." That's like saying it takes seven days or a week -- letting go of land has Hamas closer to Israel, while annexation gets Israel closer to Hamas…

So now it's a one-state solution based on his very own vision-turned-illusion of a two-state solution. Hey, how about do what the US did to handle the Native Americans by pushing them into their own Gaza Strips, but also giving them casinos and cannabis to keep them Comfortably Numb? All done with the more benign rifles and muskets. Oh, and eventually further compensating by paying homage to their chiefs by using their names to christen sports teams and attack helicopters. With Bibi's victory, I wonder if the Israeli Rafael Advanced Defense Systems will be re-named Ramallah Systems…

Now Bibi's second stone -- the US-Iran deal. Never fear. The Likudists in Washington are taking care of that. 47 Republican Senators send an open letter to Iran stating that any US-Iran deal would be gone once Obama is gone. That is right after Republican lawmakers invite Netanyahu to speak to the Congress without first notifying President Obama.

I know it all sounds Hebrew. Here's the de-Likudified analogy for the local readers:

Bangladesh decides to (once again) send drinking water and mobile de-salination plants to Maldives. The sitting Opposition in the Parliament then invites Prime Minister Narendra Modi to speak at a session of the Parliament, all without the knowledge of the Bangladeshi PM. Modi's speech at the Parliament is all about how wrong Bangladesh's PM and her crew are on the Maldives decision and that they should trust no-one but him. He leaves amidst standing ovations. Later, 47 MPs of the Opposition send an open letter to the President of Maldives stating that all the de-salination plants will be withdrawn once the next elections are over (ok, let's not get all excited about that…).

Treason? Law pundits say that is exactly what the Logan Act, a US federal law that forbids unauthorised citizens from negotiating with foreign governments having a dispute with the US, points to. 

What follows now is more of the same -- no impeachments, no de-Likudification in Washington, no Palestine…no stopping of hartals in Bangladesh. 

Bibi, you win double dunk!

For the rest of us, just enjoy cricket…

The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com