Adult phone addiction: A problem we often overlook

Most research over the years has concentrated on excessive screen time for children and everything it takes away from them. However, in a surprising turn of events, children between the ages of 8 and 16 are now flipping the tables on their parents, saying that phone addiction in adults causes them to overlook important family moments. Suddenly, it seems as if the older generation must do some soul-searching of its own.

Fairly concerning results came to light in a study conducted in the UK. Through responses from 16,000 people and a separate poll of 1,000 children, the research that spanned 18 months made it evident that intentional or unintentional scrolling by the parents of children under 18 chips away at precious family time.

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The research shows that parents spend, on average, 88 hours (almost 4 days) on unconscious phone activity. Over this time, they miss moments that matter to their children, such as talking or playing together, family days out, and so on. In fact, 63 per cent of the children who were part of the survey believed that their parents had no idea how much time they were actually spending online.

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The results of the study indicate something even more puzzling: parents of minors spend more than two hours a day on their smartphones unintentionally, 40 minutes more than an average adult who is not a parent.

This means that parents check their phones more than non-parents and often, without a concrete reason.

“Scrolling is a break from reality,” shares Shoily, mother to a 6-year-old. “It’s mindless, and that’s precisely why I indulge in it.” 

Many parents like Shoily say they often pick up their phones without thinking after a long day at work, and do not realise that they may be overdoing it or overlooking their children while doing so. Often, this is not the same for people without children.

“I make it a point to consciously use my phone as little as possible once I’m off work,” says Alvi Mannan, a 36-year-old graphic designer. “My wife and I both feel like our work is heavily screen-dominated, and we opt to read books, go walking or explore cafes instead.”

Of course, there is a very evident reason for all this. Non-parents have time after work to spend as they wish.

Taking care of a young child is not a burden they have to carry, and therefore, they can see scrolling for the mindless, soul-sucking activity that it is, rather than an escape. For parents, the scenario is vastly different. Their timetables revolve around their children and, for lack of a break, they turn towards the screen. The consequences that follow such an activity are, however, more far-reaching than parents realise.

According to psychologist Inara Salim, when parents are physically present but mentally on their phones, children learn they are less important than a screen.

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“Every child who has to repeat themselves because a parent was on their phone, or has to turn back from a parent without having shown them or told them what they wanted to, feels unseen, and teaches them that love is something that must be earned.”

According to the psychologist, this dent in confidence can show up as doubt in class, anxiety in friendships, and a belief that they must compete to be chosen.

“The repair is simple: children don’t need perfect parents; they need present ones. Even 10 minutes a day of phone-down attention tells a child: ‘You matter.'”

Perhaps then, the real question simmers down to what message adults are willing to impart to children. It is no more about how much time the children are spending on their phones. Rather, it is what they learn from the behaviours modelled by the adults around them. Each time a parent chooses a device over a conversation, even unintentionally, that choice becomes part of a child’s understanding of attention, love, and importance.

This in no way means that parents can never disconnect from their role or catch a break. It simply means that if adults want children to develop a healthy relationship with technology, they must be willing to be honest about their own habits first.

Sometimes, putting the phone down is more than a break from scrolling; it is a way of saying, without words, that the children will always come first.