3 Things I Hate about Weddings

If you've got friends, and a Facebook account, then your newsfeed is most likely plagued with pictures of brides and bride-lookalikes. I'm not complaining here — I think weddings are great. You get to dress up and experience confidence bought in the form of a very expensive bronzer. Some parts of a wedding though — not that great.

Get Low: The days leading up to a wedding are typically spent rehearsing dance routines for the holud programme. You can practice and perfect your moves for days, but it won't really make the event enjoyable if the speakers are blasting music at 200% capacity. Holud events these days seem to be DJ-ed by people who appear desperate to mark themselves as cool-people-who-listen-to-loud-music. Playing loud music also gives them the opportunity to avoid conversation by making it impossible. Just turn the volume down, please. This auntie has some very interesting things to say about my blouse and I can't hear any of it.

The Matchmaker(s): Speaking of aunties — they contribute to 90% of the background noise in a wedding, owing to the number of opinions expressed per minute. In their opinion you really should let their [insert distant relation's] son put a ring on your pudgy finger, which you really ought to see to because even though he's wealthy he can't afford a ring large enough to fit that sausage. No one can, in their opinion, and you can't afford to turn this down obviously. I'd tell you my opinion, but then you'd mostly see punctuation marks in print.

The Papz: I sometimes like to imagine that I am dressing up to go to a fancy Hollywood party when I'm dressing up for a wedding. My imaginative scenario gets a little too real when I realise that there are camera flashes going off, not directed towards the bride, and that I am in fact being photographed without consent. It's one thing for the wedding photographers to take candid shots of the bridesmaids, but it's completely another for a wedding crasher or someone's creepy fifth cousin to creep behind a pillar and sneakily take photos of you. It's a very sad and desperate manoeuvre adopted by someone who has run out of Bollywood women to photoshop into their profile pictures.

Weddings aren't all bad though. They serve good food most of the time and that's really the whole point isn't it? It's why we dress up and go to weddings. What, you thought I put on this lipstick to impress you? Pfft. My lips need to dress up if they're going to be getting some biryani action. It's called respect.

Nifath Karim Chowdhury likes to doodle all over her notebooks, textbooks and life. Send her a virtual high-5 at nifty_nicole@live.com or a wave on instagram @nifathkarim