Three prayers before marriage
Nausheen Rahman reads a book meant for everybody
All of us who have read Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love will welcome its sequel, Committed, sub-titled, A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage. A factual account of her life as it was for several months before she took the very big decision of getting married, this book is a memoir and a treatise on marriage rolled into one. It will also inspire people who haven't read Eat, Pray,Love into reading it.
We get so caught up in the tales surrounding women and marriage that we don't realize that we're not reading fiction. Facts about matrimonial traditions have been presented in the form of stories – with all the necessary elements: characters, plot, development, denouement, climax, etc.
Benjamin Disraeli's words set the mood for the book: "There is no greater risk than matrimony. But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage". Today's world, seemingly disillusioned with ideals, cynical about "sacred" institutions like marriage, feeling strongly about personal space and freedom, is surprisingly still susceptible to love, still vulnerable to heartaches, and very much in favour of marriage (contradictory as that might sound).
The title, Committed might sound like it is a resigned and trapped situation, but the sub-title tells us that the writer has reached her decision after much deliberation and contemplation. She and her lover, Felipe, have resisted marriage for as long as they can (despite their firm resolution to always remain true to each other).Having gone through their respective divorces, they had hoped they would never have to risk its painful effects (both technical and emotional) again. Then, fate steps in (in the form of the United States Department of Homeland Security), and declares that because Felipe is of a different nationality, it is mandatory for them to be married if he is to get a visa for the USA. This makes Gilbert think: "Destiny's interventions can sometimes surmount our biggest fears".
Elizabeth sets out to find all that she can about marriage (to understand what she's getting into). Here is a mature, experienced, well-travelled, successful writer, giving us a step-by-step review of the different aspects of marriage and all that it entails. Her subject is very well-researched and sensitively, yet objectively projected. But, most of all, it is her gift of being able to make the most mundane of things sound exciting that causes this book to be so wonderful. The humorous tone throughout keeps us constantly entertained and it's amazing how practically every page offers an intriguing piece of information or viewpoint.
This books acts as a travelogue as the writer takes us along on her trips to exotic places and learns about marriage customs in different cultures. It is divided into eight neatly-structured sections, each section dealing with a separate aspect of marriage. The ambivalence only adds to the charm of her findings.
The writing is interspersed with numerous quotations by historians, writers, politicians, other notable personalities and many average people – all of which shed a new light on matters hitherto considered familiar.
While the couple wait for the visa formalities to be completed and for Felipe to get his clearance, things become increasingly difficult. However, they manage to deal with the problems. Elizabeth continues her quest for knowledge on matrimony, that elusive communion/union, and in the process, unearths some precious nuggets. Issues like infatuation, fidelity, compatibility, off-spring, divorce, second marriage, same-sex marriage, rituals, ceremonies, are projected in an engrossing way.
Not only does Gilbert describe the social customs (related to marriage) of other countries and other times, as well as her own, she also relates touching anecdotes from her own family history, sometimes drawing parallels. She is passionate about her subject, but does not let that get in the way of her observations, analyses and assessments. Numerous conversations and ceaseless reading and internet browsing render her to work not just a superb piece about her life and her outlook on marriage, but a truly rewarding experience.
After undergoing serious apprehensions that marriage will change her and Felipe and make them typical "spouses", she gradually achieves a state of acceptance: "I have finally found my own little corner within matrimony's long and curious history". She simultaneously believes in the adage "Before going to war, say one prayer. Before going to sea, say two prayers. Before getting married, say three".
This is a book for feminists, romantics, humanists and realists. Moreover, whether you're married (happily or unhappily), single, divorced or widowed, have kids, don't have kids, want or don't want to have them, "Committed" has something for you. It will most certainly be a heartening and worthwhile read.
This book offers quite a few gems (which are not just food for thought, but insightful guidelines). Let's look at some:
1. "Marriage has a bonsai energy: It's a tree in a pot with trimmed roots and clipped limbs. Mind you, bonsai can live for centuries, and their earthly beauty is a direct result of such constriction, but nobody would ever mistake a bonsai for a free-climbing vine."
2. "A fish and a bird may indeed fall in love, but where shall they live?"
3. "Plant an expectation. Reap a disappointment."
4. "Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it deserves all the consequences."
5. "Marriage survives precisely because it evolves."
6. "Matrimony comes to us from the Latin word for mother. We don't call marriage patrimony."
7. "Marriage is a beautiful thing. But it's also a constant battle for moral supremacy."
Nausheen Rahman is an academic and literary critic
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