Letter From Toronto
Winter Blues
Tis the season to be jolly, or so it was supposed to be until recession, or human greed (however one sees it), hit. Around this time of the year shopping malls are usually teeming with serious shoppers on the lookout for bargains. This year, though, the crowds have thinned out considerably. TV show hosts from Oprah to Martha to Steven and Chris are going cheap by brainstorming craft ideas that one can make at home and save that shopping trip to the gift store or avoid dipping into the pockets. Gifts are advertised every day that cost from ten dollars to a hundred. But then again, the spirit of giving can't be denied, so presents have to be bought, sales to be sought and a trip to the shopping malls made.
Sales, however, have become events, especially in these economically fraught times, that can tear away the thin veneer of civilization and reverse the entire theory of evolution. People can literally claw and climb one over the other to get the last of the items on the rack. This all makes shopping a nightmare for the less inclined. Even grocery shopping have become a chore as parking spaces become scarce and lines at the counter become half a mile long.
The season of giving has already been tainted dirty. The biggest sale event in the U.S. is the after-Thanksgiving Day sale known as Black Friday. Tragedy struck this year at a Wal-Mart at Long Island. As a store employee attempted to open doors at the designated time, impatient shoppers shoved in and literally took the door off its hinges while stampeding over the hapless man. As other employees rushed in to revive their fallen colleague, they too were stomped and trodden over and were barely able to save their own lives. As management rushed in and wanted to close shop in respect to the now dead man, they were faced with angry shoppers unwilling to let their early morning excursion go to waste. That a man lay dead amongst them, killed by their own feet, did nothing to deter the determined shoppers. Honestly, how do these people sleep at night knowing their bodies were murder weapons? How do their consciences keep them sane--if they have one, that is.
Fortunately, Canada has not been hit with such a shopping craze. Canada's biggest sales day comes after Christmas, which really does not serve the same purpose. Nevertheless, shops are more crowded than usual. The innocuous parking lots have become danger zones as sales-crazed drivers bent on finding spaces to park their cars flout the basic rules of driving. As shoppers come out of the stores they are seen to be menacingly followed by two or more cars competing to grab their empty spaces.
For me, there are now more pressing issues to deal with--how to make it in one piece while walking to a destination. I have managed not to yet have slipped and fallen and hence still have held on to whatever shreds of my dignity I have left. Everyone else I know has gone through this winter rite of passage. This year's winter has been forecasted with lot less snow than usual. Even though snow did have a late start, things are not for the better. We have already been dumped with 26 inches of the white stuff with more promised. Looking out the window, first thing in the morning, the pristine untrodden snow is a thing of breathtaking beauty. That is, until it hits you that you have to waddle over the white powder and must dig out the car frozen stiff under a mound of snow. Cleaning snow is a strenuous job and there have been cases of heart attacks when men have not warmed up sufficiently enough before taking on the shovel. Added to this, of course, is the further stress of having to make it to work on time or to get the kids to school before the bell rings. To make things even worse it has started raining, which, in freezing temperatures, can be deadly. Try walking on slabs of wet glass.
Years and years and years ago, listening to Jim Reeves rhapsodizing about snowflakes and the winter wonderland, I would visualize Christmas card sceneries in my mind. Now, it's more like: of all the places in the world, how did I end up here?
But winter has a more sobering aspect to it which can be heavy on the nerves. With a little over eight hours of sunlight, even that not at its brightest, winter days can be rather gloomy. Statistics have shown increased rates of depression and, scarier, of suicide. I had my own dose of reality when I had to deal with four of my students having experienced suicides of friends and relatives.
One asked to be excused from an up-coming class. Why, I asked. Very matter-of-factly she replied that her cousin has hung herself and she has to go to her funeral. I was so visibly shocked that I took a step back. I just nodded my head, barely able to find my voice. How she could even tell me this without even batting an eye, I could only wonder. Only days later could I have a conversation with her as I asked her how she was feeling. Mostly bewildered, I found out. Another talked about a botched suicide attempt of her boyfriend. As tears welled up in her eyes, I quickly changed the subject more to control my own emotions than hers. The most affected was a male student whose friend lay in a coma, again after a botched attempt. He would slump into class listless, was behind his assignments and would not participate in anything. I talked to him and gave him extensions so that, at least, he could pass the course. I had not realized that, as I acted as counselor to these young people, it was taking a heavy toll on my own state of mind. In turn, as I talked to my colleagues, I learned that going through such an experience seems to be a regular feature with kids of this age and particularly in this season. Quebec, it turns out, has a higher rate of suicide compared to other provinces. A sobering thought.
But still, I cannot fathom kids this age wanting to end their lives. They have so much to look forward to. I have restrained myself often from telling these kids, "wait till you are my age and then know what life is really like." But, of course, I couldn't bring myself to be so self-righteous. Not after having seen the pain in their eyes.
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