Why we struggle to let go of what once felt right

Before you roll your eyes at yet another lecture about the greatest virtue — forgiving others, I want you to calm down; we are not here for that. Rather, let’s explore what these two words carry beyond a dramatic reconciliation or a shameful failure.

As soon as we enter our twenties, a phrase we often come across, yet fear to break free from, is “Letting Go.” In life, we form attachments to people, memories, habits, and even outdated versions of ourselves, which can become overwhelming at times. Therefore, learning to let go becomes less of a luxury and more of an important life skill. 

However, it is not an overnight process; it tends to be quiet, slow, and messy in general. 

The first step in this journey is understanding why we hold on and why we need to let go. The simplest explanation for our grasping is that we once loved and found value in what we are holding onto. But we sometimes cling to relationships that no longer bring us joy, or we hold onto ambitions that no longer align with who we have become. 

Furthermore, our past mistakes, feelings of guilt, and lingering "what if" scenarios keep us feeling trapped.

Well, it is very typical for one to wonder why he or she has to let go of something they are so accustomed to — things they believed their lives would be incomplete without. Except what they overlook is that familiarity does not always equate to comfort, and the unknown is not always as terrifying as it appears. 

Then comes the next step: acceptance. Accepting reality and refraining from trying to change things beyond our control does not represent giving up. It is more about experiencing everything — the grief of not winning, the frustration of broken aspirations, and even relief that comes with hardship. 

Afterwards begins the act itself. We often visualise letting go as a theatrical exit, with doors slammed shut and chapters permanently closed. However, it usually unfolds differently. It happens in brief pauses and in moments when we decide not to hold on to the things that discourage us. It occurs in the mornings when the memories still sting, yet we still choose to get up and face the day.

You have to let go of the negative affirmations you constantly rehearse in your head all day. Self-criticism should be motivating and about the preparations for what our next steps would be, and definitely not self-limiting. 

Then, one must let go of constant comparison regarding others, about careers, homes, marriages, bank balances, and definitely unrealistic examples on social media. 

Moreover, prioritising personal growth and surrounding yourself with people who help you to develop mentally and spiritually is a sine qua non of making progress.

Another common misconception is that “letting go” means you just forget everything. But it is really more about learning the lesson and not constantly revisiting the painful memories. You still recognise the pain, but you don't let it control your future anymore. You don't erase memories of people; you just stop looking for them in every crowd.

But in the end, unfortunately, the process of letting go is not as simple as it may seem. Some days, you might feel like you have moved on, only to find yourself spiralling into old patterns. However, each time you choose to loosen your grip, even a little, you reclaim energy, clarity, and a sense of freedom. 

So, let’s get back to where we started, we often suffer not because we cannot forgive others, but because we cannot forgive ourselves. We blame ourselves for not achieving our desired goals, falling behind our surroundings, or maybe when we feel we have not reached our full potential.

You eventually apprehend that as long as you do not trespass on others' boundaries, not practice obscenity, not ravage peaceful edifices, and refrain from eradicating the demure, you have every right to choose your calm over being “right in the eyes of all.” You understand that letting go is not about losing; it is about gaining — space, clarity, and the opportunity to flourish our possibilities, slowly but surely.